Introduction
1 - Master Potential
2 - Master Goals
3 - Master Time
4 - Master Money & Work
5 - Master Small Business
6 - Master Real Estate
7 - Master Health
8 - Master Mind
9 - Master Relationships
10 - Master Life
Conclusion

Lesson Nine - Master Relationships

Operational Guidelines

You can change yourself. You must be an example to others.
The best you is good enough for them.
Establish and maintain your personal boundaries.
Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away.
Prioritize your relationships and act accordingly.
The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
Is this permanent or personal?

By integrating the Action Principles into your personal life philosophy, you are well on your way to mastering success. The simple changes and adjustments that you are making in your attitudes and actions are beginning to reward you with the pride and power of accomplishment. You can see a better life. This will not be a solitary life lived as a monk in a mountain cave. You have chosen a rich, full, rewarding, action packed life filled with people.

Everything you need, people around you can give you: love, money, respect, companionship, fulfillment and the reasons to challenge yourself to be your best. Your personal relationships then become very important. Be prepared. Controlling and developing your personal relationships to a master's level will take your emotional intelligence, your patience and your selflessness.

Personal relationships are more important than money or things. A happy marriage and a happy family are worth everything.

   To prepare yourself to master your relationships, you must humbly accept your limited ability to change others. Instead, you stand to gain much more by being empathetic or trying to see things through others' eyes.

   What do your husband, wife, children, employees or customers want? What are their goals? Are you helping or hindering them? Don't guess or presume. Ask them. The easiest way to bond with a person is to focus on his or her wants and needs. Do what he or she wants or listen for clues that can lead to compromise.

   Try this little experiment. During your quiet time today, imagine that you were told that you only had one more day to live. How would you prepare yourself? What would you try to accomplish? Who would you try to meet? What would you say to them? With whom would you like to make amends?

You can teach, cajole and motive others. You can be a good example for others. But others have to want to change themselves. You can change your attitude toward them.

Communication Is The Key

   To have an effective conversation you have to be willing to listen. Listen twice as often as you talk. Use two ears and one mouth. The word communication comes from the Latin word "cumminico" meaning "to share." Don't get stuck on transmit. Pay attention. Be aware of body language. Give and expect respect. Be open and flexible. Don't wait for the other party to be positive. Be positive first. Be unafraid of the consequences of truth, sincerity and honesty. The truth fears no question.

   You must work to create an environment for relationship building.

   Regardless of individual commitments, families should find opportunities for everyone to be together for home cooked meals at least several times per week. For families with school age children, the goal should be for the children to eat with one or both parents every day. This should be considered quality family time. When compared with children who eat alone or are allowed to graze through meals, studies have repeated shown that children who share nightly family meals together are better adjusted and do better in school.

With many conflicting schedules, family time is difficult to arrange but it is worth the effort, so do it anyway.

   At family mealtime, positive conversation should be stressed. There should be no moaning, complaining or rushing to be excused. Rules for good manners and mutual respect should be mandated. No television, books, headphones, texting or video game players are allowed. This family bonding should be extended to outings and vacations. The message should be loud and clear, "We care about you, about your day and what you have to say."

   How you relate to other people does not usually change with circumstance. Just as family cohesiveness and relations are taken seriously at home, the same team building should be a priority at work. Managers should set up formal and informal meeting opportunities. The boss doesn't always have to act like the boss. Creative suggestions should be encouraged and rewarded. Constructive criticisms should be acknowledged and problems dealt with when they are small. Employees should feel both appreciated and an integral part of the whole. The importance of customer relations in building loyalty should be stressed.

   Don't wait for permission to do what is right. Be prepared to take the lead. An "I love you" to a family member, a "Nice job" to an employee and a "Thank you" to a customer can go a long way toward building and maintaining solid relationships. At home, a single rose, a handwritten note, an unexpected toy can bond. At work, a raise or bonus or day off can make an employee feel wanted. To a customer, an extra service or a special price can create a positive relationship conducive to repeat business.

Making A Positive First Impression

You don't get a second chance to make a good first impression. You want to be seen as who you are which is a tough, thoughtful, spiritual person of action.

Exude strength and confidence. Quiet relaxed posture, unclenched jaw and fingers, forget the fumbling and the fidgeting. Look like someone with a purpose. A leader who is asking open questions, maintaining eye contact, and leaning in with a positive enthusiastic demeanor. Nod and listen with interest to find common ground.

When Communication Fails

   Still, in the real world, small gestures and platitudes may not always be enough. You are always dealing with individuals with individual agendas beyond your control. A family member may engage in destructive behavior. An employee may demand wages and benefits beyond your ability to comply. Some customers cannot be satisfied. Keeping lines of communication continually open at least gives you the opportunity for early intervention. On rare occasions, even with patience and reason, all you may be able to do is to restate your position, set limits, and outline possible consequences. Finally, you may have no recourse except to back off. Your forceful persuasion may be elegant and cathartic to you but will probably do little to change someone who is intransigent and unmotivated to change.

   Broken marriages, alienated children, lost friends and failed business deals can often be traced back to poor communication. Somebody wasn't listening to what somebody else was saying. If your listener is lazy, distracted, disinterested or absorbed by his or her own side issues, little effective communication is likely to take place. Likewise, if your arguments are seen as false, disorganized or prejudiced, they will tend to fall on deaf ears. There are those who actively seek to listen and learn. There are those who are self-absorbed and want to hear nothing. There are those who pretend sincerity but inside they are actually dismissive of your advice. You can only let them know that if and when they are ready to commit to constructive dialogue that you are always ready to talk reasonably and seek compromises that do not infringe on your values.

   You will listen. You will try to help. You will promote reconciliation. You will make reasonable accommodations to their personal likes and dislikes. You will repeat how interested you are in a sound relationship in which all parties benefit and no one is injured. If you are wrong, you will admit it immediately and ask for forgiveness. If you are wronged, you will do your best to forgive and forget quickly.

   The long-term relationship is almost always more important than the short-term problem.

   Until you can retire on your savings, pensions and investments, your free social time will be limited. You must be able to divide this time wisely. Although many demands on your time will be urgent, you must also plan for the important. Little in your life will affect your overall well being more than building and maintaining strong personal relationships. Take a minute to write down the names of those in your social circle.

Prioritize your responsibilities

Your list might look like this:

1. Spouse	2. Children	3. Parents	4. Grandparents
5. Brothers/Sisters	6. In-laws	7. Cousins, Aunts and Uncles	8. Friends
9. Co-workers	10. Neighbors	11. Church members	12. Club members
13. Others

Now, you have a frame of reference for making decisions. For example, taking your family on a weekend get-away would be more important than a fishing trip with the guys from work. Taking your elderly mother shopping would be more important than helping your neighbor fix his car. These may not be the activities that you would prefer to do. These are the activities that you should be doing. The less needy you are the stronger your relationships may become. Start enjoying your trips to the bookstore and reading with the kids rather than always rushing to the golf course. Go to your neighbor's barbecue and ask if you can bring your sister who doesn't get many chances to go out on her own. You can still play golf. You can still have a drink after work with the gang. Just put your needs in their appropriate place. Be the best you.

How To Resolve Conflict

   To resolve a problem you must first confront the problem. Face the challenge. This simple act may require the most courage. To admit that you may be the offending party or at least partially responsible for the trouble is significant. How do you choose to handle criticism? Do you automatically fight or listen? Do you stop to consider the qualifications and motives of your critic? Are you able to stop and calmly restate your position? Attack the argument and not the person. Are you looking for solutions or to cast blame? Be serious and concise in stating your opinions. Don't rush. Get all the facts before you reach a decision. Don't argue in public.

   You can learn an awful lot with your mouth closed and your ears open.

   Think about all the time and anguish you'll save by listening and immediately finding common ground on which to compromise. What does the other party consider a satisfactory resolution? If you ask and listen, the solution offered may be milder than you had imagined. Endeavor to keep lines of communication open.

   Arguing often makes the other party become more defensive and want to dig-in and prevail. Take a time out. Figure out what is important to the other party. Is there a hidden agenda? Try to see the other person's side. Look for points of specific agreement and disagreement. Keep the discussion focused on the key issues. Are you both working from the same set of facts? May a third party be helpful in offering suggestions to resolve the conflict? Plant seeds based on your ideas. Remain calm and positive. Speak with respect. Don't be condescending. Look for compromise but when you're right, stand your ground. Decide. Smile. Move on. Someone has to be the bigger person and it can be you. You can't make peace without talking to your enemy. Say a prayer each day for all of the blessings that you have been given in life. Concentrate on what is right rather than who is right.

   How far will you go to find harmony in your relationships? Can you flip a coin, share, give in, negotiate, take turns, agree, apologize, laugh, accept a mediator or pray?

Set Your Relationship Boundaries

   You don't have to put up with it. Who said that you should be a victim?

   What is your threshold for inappropriate behavior? At home and at work, you have every right to establish limits to behaviors that you will not tolerate. These are your personal boundaries. Your children and subordinates should know these boundaries and you hope that your peers would not need to find them out. If anyone crosses the line, you should stop him or her immediately, explain your position and thank them for complying. If the behavior persists or reoccurs, you must demand that it stop. In a work situation, you should walk away and, if appropriate, report the incident. With children, there should be appropriate discipline. Your word must mean something.

   Stick to your religious beliefs and to the Action Principles^®. You know the right thing to do. Do it. Do it for yourself and for those you love.

Relationships with Friends

   You can be happy with a few good friends. You can be happy with a few good acquaintances. Being a friend presumes a commitment while being an acquaintance does not. You do favors for friends. You consider doing favors for acquaintances. You want to listen to friends. You can excuse yourself with acquaintances. You must overlook weaknesses in friends. You can replace acquaintances.

   You may hate going to funerals and hospitals and lending money but you will do it all for a friend. Most people do not forget your acts of kindness toward them in their moments of need.

   Some people need the strong emotional support of long friendships. They would feel lost without another kindred soul to discuss the highs and lows of life. They share their lives. Other quite happy people might find this close emotional bonding intrusive. They are quite content with acquaintance type relationships. They prefer a more private introspective lifestyle. They like to fish by themselves. They like to take a book to the park. They like to golf with the boys but don't want to be invited to the boys' grandson's birthday party. They are quieter people.

How To Remember Names

A good way to start making new friends is to get better at remembering names. People love the sound of their own name. Be known for your ability to remember names. With a little practice, it isn't that difficult. It will become a habit that can take you a long way. To remember a name, you must first hear the name. If you don't catch the name during the introduction, immediately ask to have the name repeated. Again, this isn't embarrassing to anyone, since people like the sound of their own name. As you shake hands, say the name, "My pleasure to meet you Roberto. I'm Bill." Try and say the name several times during your conversation. Before you leave this person, use this opportunity to give him one of your businesscards and to repeat his name again. "Roberto, before you go, I'd like to give you one of my cards." If he has a card, he will now give you one. "Thank you, Roberto. Is your e-mail address on the card?"

This is the 21st century. When we want to establish networks, the easiest way is e-mail. Since you will have a computer, you will want to use a contact manager program. This is an electronic version of an address book. Get in the habit of regularly recording the info from any new businesscards into your database. This will reinforce the name and face. If you are in a business where you may be exchanging a lot of cards, you may wish to invest in a small businesscard scanner. Just hearing and repeating names will take you a long way. Be prepared. Your friends will frequently ask to tap your extraordinary memory. And, you will have lots more friends.

Relationships With Children

Raising independent, mature, well-mannered children is one of life's great challenges. The Action Principles^® can provide one means for you to start positive conversations with your children. The Action Principles^® give you an opportunity to discuss goals, hard work, generosity and many other important character building topics.

As a parent, you must provide a strong moral and spiritual platform from which your children can grow. You must raise your children to become independent and self-reliant. You must work with them to develop a strong self-image based on a strong moral code. You do this with realistic praise and encouragement. You avoid false preaching and put-downs. Nothing will mean more than your good example.

The most important single thing that a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

Sometimes it may be tough to bring the entire family to weekly religious services. You go anyway. Why not start a family tradition of going to church and then as a family going out to breakfast or brunch at a restaurant? You can only pity the poor child who must face life's challenges without a belief in God channeled through a strong parental example.

Correcting your children's manners over and over again can get tedious. You do it anyway. Well-mannered children are welcomed anywhere and people do notice.

Parenting Isn't Bargaining

   Stop apologizing and making excuses for your children. Set limits and let them know the consequences for exceeding those limits. Meaning what you say is not being mean. If you aren't in charge, then every interaction between you and your child will dissolve into a deal making confrontation. They will only do one thing if you allow another. You will no longer be parenting but bargaining.

   There is little doubt that giving your children everything cripples them. Just as you are tough, you can make your kids tough. If you have everything, you respect nothing. If nothing is ever hard to do, you can never become strong.

   Children should be given jobs and responsibilities with corresponding rewards and punishments as early as possible. A three-year-old can pick up his toys. A five-year-old can help carry the beach chairs to the car. A seven-year-old can make her bed and hang up her clothes. A ten-year-old can rake leaves and shovel snow. A sixteen-year-old can get a part time job. If a job is not done or not done satisfactorily, just as in the real world that they will inherit, there should be repercussions. You don't go to the mall. Your friend can't come for a sleepover. The repercussions should be simple and immediate. If you make and stick with your policies when the children are three years old, you will have many fewer problems when they are thirteen.

   On occasion, you may have to discipline a child in public. This is almost unavoidable. Your long-term relationship with your well-behaved child is much more important than suffering the two-second sarcastic sneers of a few strangers who want to side with your child and make you feel like an abuser. Many more people will silently applaud and understand your firm verbal reaction to a child's inappropriate behavior. The world and your child will thank you later.

   Teenagers may talk back to you once in awhile. Within reasonable limits, this is part of growing up and showing independence. Compromising between your fashion and entertainment sense and theirs is reasonable. Tardiness, foul language and a disregard for one's own possessions are not signs of adolescence or of any other age category. They are signs of the lazy and undisciplined. Well before the age of thirteen, clean clothes properly stored in a clean room and answering when called should be unspoken expectations.

   No well-behaved child at any age should be allowed to talk back or shout at a parent or other elder. If a child asks to do something and you say no ten times and then yes the eleventh time, you will pay for the rest of your own life. Your word will mean little. Your future influence will be minimal. Your child will be in for a rude awakening and a very unpleasant life in the real world. You are condemning this child to a miserable life. He will be forever unsatisfied and probably unpopular.

Balance Children's Activities

   Children don't have to be involved in three or four sports. Pick one. How about taking music or art or acting lessons? How about encouraging a child to volunteer? How about scouting? How about helping a child who wants to start a little business? A child can miss a soccer game if there is a greater benefit to the family as a whole. The child learns to sacrifice and to give and also learns the high value placed on family. Family also means eating meals together with the television off and not grazing over snack foods and cereal.

   Consider also coordinating children's activities so that during one quarter of the year all of the family is off on weekends and the family can take mini-vacations and trips on those free weekends. Get physical with walking, hiking, camping, boating and biking. Get cultural with museums, concerts, historical and travel tours. It can be done with planning.

   Through your example, teach your children to respect their elders. Most adults are kind and would help your child in time of need. Most teachers and youth counselors are devoted to their careers, which means helping your children be all that they can be. If you want safe children, make them aware, and unafraid to confide in adults.

False Expectations

   Don't force your aspirations on your children. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. If you and your spouse didn't get all A(s) in school why should your children? Encourage your children to do their best and let them know that their best is good enough.

   If all the kids in the school are getting A(s) and B(s), this doesn't mean that the school is exemplary or that all the children in that school are miraculously superior to the norm. It only means that the grading policies are lax and that the children may be getting falsely inflated egos.

   Every child who takes a test doesn't deserve a good grade. Every child who waddles onto a playing field doesn't deserve a trophy. Honesty and a dose of competition will serve them much better than false praise. Self-esteem is not an award. Without adult intervention, by age ten, children already know athletic, neat, funny and good looking from lazy, sloppy, boring and sarcastic. They know a real award from a gift. They are already making their own choices.

   Children are fortunate and grateful when parents are interested in their schoolwork and extracurricular activates. Children are crippled and appalled by overbearing parents who feel compelled to meddle on minutia with every teacher and every coach.

   Any child over the age of reason already knows not to walk in front of buses, swallow gasoline, bring weapons to school or jump from tall buildings. They also know not to take drugs, smoke cigarettes, abuse alcohol, speed in cars and engage in pre-marital sex. You don't have to tell them what they already know a thousand times. That would be easy if it worked. It doesn't work. What does work is your parental example, your values, your faith, your love and your involvement in their lives. Be there for them. Help them build the self-confidence to resist unwanted peer and societal pressures. Dare to be there for your children.

   The average American child will have spent more time watching television before he goes to first grade than he will spend speaking with his father over the course of his entire lifetime. Fifty percent of children have television in their rooms and watch an average of twenty-eight hours of programs each week. Now add in more hours of telephone, video game and Internet time. You've got to start very young to help your children become selective in choosing positive activities over idle behavior. There is nothing wrong with a few hours of television or telephone or video games or Internet, but only after chores and homework and reading. Lead your children by example to make the right choices.

   Where and from whom are your children learning about good music, art, literature, food and theater? Who is teaching them about the environment and conservation? How are they being introduced to the importance of kindness and generosity? To whom have you entrusted your children's character development? Teaching values by word and example is a parent's responsibility. Add your values to this short list.

A Short List Of Universal Values

Courage	Loyalty	Trustworthiness	Respect
Kindness	Generosity	Discipline	Courtesy
Neatness	Thrift	Friendship	Determination
Persistence	Hard Work	Achievement	Punctuality
Pride	Responsibility	Reverence

   Children must also learn shame and regret when they are at fault especially concerning the feelings of others. As you treat your children, so will they become.

   If you really want a superior child, instill in them a love of reading. Children read in families where they see the parents reading. Reading should be done in a place with minimal distraction without television or radio. Set a goal for your family reading time and then stick to it. Thirty minutes to forty minutes per day is reasonable. Make reading a family priority. When your family travels, everyone brings a book. This is one of our Action Principles^®.

   Give your children the opportunity to prove themselves. Don't deprive them of the joy of accomplishment. Make them work and they'll learn to appreciate more in their lives. Allow them to learn from their mistakes.

   There is no time to wait. A lazy, ill-mannered child will not be able to compete globally. The advantages that some parents think that they are giving their children will fall woefully short if that child lacks character and self-discipline. Take the tough stands early. If your children learn the value of hard work and generosity, they will soar. Their lives will be happy. A twelve-year-old is old enough to understand and follow the Action Principles^®. Certain teen-agers can benefit from reading this book.

   Raising great kids will affect generations to come. Remain calm. Give your children the best gift you can - your time. When children are raised to be happy, content and self-reliant, they realize that doing good helps others and themselves.

   If you raise your children according to a religious tradition, and you set a proper example, a wonderful thing will happen. You won't have to worry so much about them. They will be self-reliant, well mannered and both goal and service oriented. They will have learned from you to make the right choices. You will see success. They will be your children.

Relationships With Business Associates

   If you are a small business owner, you will want to hire as many people as possible who follow the Action Principles^® philosophy of self-improvement and service to others. You will gain a valuable employee. You also may have to be prepared for the day that that employee wishes to spread her own wings and start her own businesses. Wish her well.

   Be careful what you say about yourself and your accomplishments because it is human nature for people to think the opposite. Bragging is counter-productive. When someone pays you a compliment, don't expand on it or excuse it, just say, "Thank you." You magnify a compliment's impact when you speak in terms of the recipient's action rather than your own opinions. If you are invited to a picnic and you like the fried chicken, rather than saying, "Thank you, I love the chicken." Instead say, "I want to thank you. You did a wonderful job of preparing the chicken."

   Always be on the lookout for people who can advance your cause as partners, financiers, employees, consultants, mentors and investors. You can't possibly know everything or even enough to get everything done. You need others. Seek their counsel. Listen. Share the credit. Henry Ford could have thanked his mentor, Thomas Edison. George Lucas can thank his mentor, Francis Ford Coppola.

   Communication is the key to good employee relations. Your policy must be honesty, openness and candor. This means for good or bad. Never tolerate laziness, disrespect, dishonesty or harassment. If an employee is not doing a proper job, the day he or she is terminated shouldn't come as a complete shock to them. As with children, don't make excuses to them or for them. Make a decision. Don't allow poor performance to linger or a poor work ethic to infect others. They had a job. They didn't do the job. This should not be your fault. It is their fault. If it is not their fault, then they are being blamed for something beyond their control and they are better off working somewhere that they are appreciated. People notice how you treat others.

   Throughout the Master Success System, the concept of follow-up is repeated. It is important. Keep everyone informed and you'll go a long way toward minimizing any potential dissention or defection. The sales agent should call her home sellers every week to tell them of activity or reasons why there may be a lack of activity. The hairstylist can call a new client a week after the initial visit. The boss should check on a subordinate taking maternity leave. The teacher may trouble herself to call a parent two weeks after a conference with a progress report. These quick remembrances are habits of the successful. Follow-up shows you care.

   As you succeed and others notice, you may be called upon to speak. Whenever you have this opportunity to speak before any group, do not talk down to the audience. A condescending tone will immediately negate your efforts. Always treat everyone as important and they will hear your message.

How To Build Teamwork

To build a strong team, whether that team concept is applied to a sport, family or business, individuals must subscribe to the principle of putting the team first. Each must be willing to make occasional personal sacrifices, respect one another and share the credit for the greater good of all. The team's mission must be outlined and understood through clearly defined goals. Individual strengths must be identified and appropriate roles assigned. Responsibility and accountability must be accepted. Ideas, suggestions, reasoned criticisms and questions must be encouraged. Those with experience must be willing to teach and assist beginners. Everyone commits to doing his or her individual and collective best to work to a high standard and, in a game, to better the competition and win. This requires a program of continuing education, practice and testing. When mistakes are made or games lost, the team must pull together to leave the past behind and move on to new challenges.

Your Relationship With God

You are one person among six billion on one planet of nine in a solar system of hundreds of thousands of solar systems. God is love and beauty and all that is good in man. When you see one person acting selflessly to benefit another, you see God. God is fun and happiness. He exists in every smile, laugh and twinkle in your eye. God is the one to thank every day for all the blessings that exist in your life.

If you actually do find hope and promise in the Master Success System and begin and keep with the program and ultimately find peace and prosperity in your life, it is God who gave you persistence and determination and the willingness to do all the hard work necessary to succeed. God has given you the free will to choose success. You must accept the calling to rise to your own potential. God has given you all that you need to Master Success. He made you the Master Piece. See that. Thank God.

With the End in Mind

What would you do on your last day if you knew in advance that it was your last day? Would you go skydiving? Would you eat three great meals and enjoy every bite? Would you pray to God for forgiveness for your sins? Would you tell your wife and children that you loved them? Would you thank your employees and tell them how much you appreciate them? Would you arrange to donate your body to science or for organ transplants? Would you give money to someone who really needed it? Probably all of your answers are good valid answers. Live fully today, expecting to die tomorrow.

Go Hardcore

   You can make the personal choice to be positive as you brush aside the minor daily annoyances that everyone faces. Be patient. Others notice those in control.

   Listen for constructive criticism. You may learn of mistakes that you can correct. Life is teaching you a lesson if you pay attention. Guard against false praise. The master walks that middle line and is neither overly influenced by either criticism or praise.

   To resolve conflicts ask yourself, "Is this permanent or personal?" "What does the other party consider a satisfactory resolution?" If you ask and listen, the solution offered may be milder than you had imagined. Endeavor to keep lines of communication open. Remain calm and positive. Speak with respect. Don't be condescending. Look for compromise but when you're right, stand your ground.

   At home and at work, you have every right to establish limits to behaviors that you will not tolerate. These are your personal boundaries. If anyone crosses the line, you should stop him or her immediately, explain your position and thank them for complying.

   When raising children, take the tough stands early. If your children learn the value of hard work and generosity, they will soar. Their lives will be happy. A twelve-year-old is old enough to understand and follow the Action Principles^®. Give your children the best gift you can - your time.

   Always be on the lookout for people who can advance your cause as partners, financiers, employees, consultants, mentors and investors. You can't possibly know everything or even enough to get everything done. You need others.

   Communication is the key to good employee relations. Your policy must be honesty, openness and candor. This means for good or bad.

   As you succeed and others notice, you may be called upon to speak. Always treat everyone as important and they will hear your message.

   People love the sound of their own name. Be known for your ability to remember names. Get in the habit of regularly recording the info from any new businesscards into your database. This will reinforce the name and face.

   Thank God for all he has done for you.